IMO No.5: I Didn’t Go to Weed College, But I Figured It Out Anyway

A practical, self-taught guide to learning cannabis—products, strains, methods—without overcomplicating it or joining a cult.

CYA Disclaimer: This article does not qualify as formal cannabis education, a medical recommendation, or spiritual guidance from the Ghost of Willie Nelson. It’s just one human’s journey from “Wait, what’s a sativa and why do I suddenly want to reorganize my garage?” to “Ohhh, now I get it.” Your experience may vary, especially if you ignore the part about edibles taking a while. Please consult your doctor, your gut, and maybe your cousin who once made weed brownies with NyQuil (don’t do that). Cool? Cool.

Let’s get something straight: I didn’t go to weed college. No degree, no certification, no secret handshake. And yet here I am—an adult human, reasonably competent, managing a full-time job, relationships, a mild coffee addiction, and my cannabis use without a sommelier whispering terpene notes in my ear.

I figured it out. And if you're even mildly curious, you can too.

This article is not for the stoner elite. It’s for the rest of us—the ones who were curious but cautious, who didn’t know where to start, and who definitely didn’t want to accidentally join a lifestyle cult disguised as a dispensary.

Before You Go Shopping:
Let me pause and acknowledge something very real: walking into a dispensary for the first time is intimidating. Honestly, even today—with years of experience and a decent stash of knowledge—I still sometimes get a little flustered. It’s a vibe-heavy experience. There’s the security check, the rows of mysterious products behind glass, the menu that reads like a wine list written in code, and a staff that ranges from overly chill to wildly enthusiastic about the entourage effect.

I remember my first visit vividly. I felt like a narc. Like I was going to accidentally buy a THC-infused breath spray and get put on some sort of list. I didn’t know what to ask for, didn’t understand half the terms, and panicked when it was my turn at the counter. I just pointed to something with a pretty label and hoped for the best.

Remember, you’re not joining a secret society. You’re just shopping. Don’t let the vibe throw you.

The PLAN

If you’re new to cannabis, the best place to start is by keeping it simple. Don’t try to learn everything at once or get lost in the deep end of strains, cannabinoids, and terpene talk. Instead, just focus on understanding the two ends of the spectrum—Sativa and Indica. Try one of each, separately, and pay attention to how you feel. That contrast alone will teach you a ton. Once you’ve felt the difference, you can start figuring out what works best for you, and when—whether it’s for sleep, focus, social energy, or winding down.

A simple visual: Sativa on the far left (energizing, cerebral), Indica on the far right (relaxing, body-heavy), and Hybrid somewhere in between. This gives you a feel for how the cannabis spectrum is laid out.

What to Buy

• Edibles: Ask for the heaviest sativa gummies they have as well as the heaviest indica they have.
• Flower: Ask the budtender for 1/8 of the heaviest sativa and 1/8 of the heaviest indica they have.

Try This: Sativa Saturday & Indica Sunday

• Sativa Saturday: Choose a 4-hour window at home. Even better? Sunny weather. Do normal stuff like laundry or organizing—just don’t climb ladders.
• Indica Sunday: Try it in the evening. Get cozy and relaxed. Think sweatpants and a documentary.

By the end of the weekend, you’ll understand the difference. Your experience will also be influenced by your mood, your day, or if you ate half a Costco cake before noon.

How To: Your First Cannabis Trial Run

1. Start small: 2.5mg is plenty. Quarter that gummy.
2. Create the right setting: Sunshine and tasks for sativa. Dim lights and cozy vibes for indica.
3. Observe how it hits: Wait 60–90 minutes and track your reaction.
4. Adjust expectations: You might not feel “high”—that’s the point.
5. Experiment gradually: Try again or increase to 5mg if you feel ready.
6. Consider what else is going on: Life stuff matters too.
7. Keep going: Try a few more rounds until it clicks.
8. Expand: If ready, explore hybrids.
9. Take notes: Document what worked and what didn’t.

I think of it this way: At lower doses, I’m still the driver and cannabis is the passenger—making the ride more interesting. At higher doses, I’m happy to switch seats and let cannabis drive. Just don’t end up in the backseat wondering, “Are we there yet?”

What Comes Next: Playing with Hybrids (Without Overthinking It)

Now that you’ve felt the difference between a sativa and an indica, you’re ready for hybrids. They’re blends of both—some uplifting, some mellow. Nothing too complicated here.

In other words: Your training wheels are off.

You’ve now got a framework to make more intentional choices. You’re building your own relationship with cannabis.

And if it starts to feel overwhelming:

KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid. Start small. Notice what works. Stay curious.

Use the resources out there. I personally like checking out Leafly.com, especially the customer reviews. I also recommend exploring Cannigma.com, which offers detailed strain info and research-backed insights. Just remember: cannabis affects everyone differently. Use them as guides—not gospel.

That’s how I figured it out. And if you’ve made it this far? You’re already well on your way.

Coming Up Next…

👉 IMO No.6: Frogs in the Pot: The Water’s Hot, But We’re Not Dead Yet

We’ll explore the idea that while life feels more chaotic than ever, we’re not powerless—we’re just a little too comfortable. It’s a wake-up call (with weed, of course).